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wrf lj why won't you let me view entries on my friends page... there is not "previous" link to click on...
Last night was Sam's going away party. I was there all day. Chris ended up getting dropped off so he could drive me home in my car. I really didn't feel like driving after drinking all day and swimming. I was exhausted, but I had fun. I'm really going to miss Sam.

I have to go to work soon. I would much rather sit on the internet all day or edit some pictures. Sigh. I suppose I should eat something and start getting ready to leave. I get my schedule today for my first week of closing as manager by myself. This should be interesting... I can't tell if I'm stressed or not about it yet. I need to organize my thoughts on paper and write a check list for myself. I would feel a lot better having something like that.
"I'm going home now." She texted him.
"Drive safe." He replied.
She was a her old room mates house. They went out for dinner and a few drinks for the colloquially "catching up". That's what you were supposed to do with friends, right? She had a cigarette, peed, then woke up her friend who had fallen asleep on the couch while they watched cable television. They had come back to her place to smoke. She was surprised that she didn't feel paranoid this time. Maybe she'd pick up the habit again.
"Will do." She responded after she drove away. She felt good. Four beers and a few hits, she thought, tomorrow I'll wake up feeling like a new person.
She was in the far right lane. Irrigation sprinkled on the windshield on the driver's side.
"I love new wipers." She texted.
After a few turns she checked her phone again.
"Is it still raining?"
"No, sprinklers." She responded.
"Yeah, It's amazing the difference it makes."
"It's amazing the difference you've made." She said sweetly.
"I don't wipe your windshields!" He kidded.

They'd gotten along like this for a while. Her life may have been as peaceful as it could be at the moment. She could even say that she was happy. She pulled into the driveway, opened the garage and wondered how long it had been, and how long the contentment would last. She knew that there was a piece of her that was missing. A void she was born with. The emptiness grew more so after the accident. The feeling actually propelled her to fill the space, but how, she hadn't the faintness. She constantly reminded herself of the things she was certain of. She loved him. She wanted to share her life with him. She wanted him to always love her.

She was still young. But there were times in the past where her life only seemed happy. Unfortunately for her that meant that her happiness was at the cost of something. Most children grow up in an atmosphere of positive reinforcement. Praised when they made the honor roll or punished for setting a fire in the back yard. Even though they took the precaution to dig a hole in the earth to contain it. Instead, she had to work for her happy childhood, for the things other children were granted by default for the sole reason that they were children, and even then, if you didn't act exactly like was expected of you the things closest to your heart were taken away. For instance, new clothes were only purchased if you received all A's on your report card, and even still those items of clothing were carefully inspected for quality and had to be age approved. The outcome was that she was never content with her wardrobe growing up. She never had the chance to express herself the way she had wanted. Her social life, her self-esteem, were both to suffer from this. The moment she was old enough to purchase her own clothes, her style was constantly ridiculed. She never looked "nice". She knew it was a waste of time to dwell on such feeble things, but this really was the case with all things.

What was important now was that they had made a positive difference in each others lives. They had grown together in a great way. She knew that they were both better people together than they would be apart. She would have more hatred in her heart. He would be more angry and closed off.

But there was still that something, a little flicker inside of her. Sometimes when she dreamed she saw a glance of it. Came to the realization, the epiphany was euphoric. But whatever it was, it disappeared when she woke. The harder she tried to pull it back, the farther the memory fleeted. She had the dream so many times now that she was convinced she would only truly experience it in reality, in waking life, when she died. When dreams were eternal. For now she would just enjoy the happiness she felt and let herself worry about the rest when need be. She went inside and the first thing she did, the first thing she always did when she came home to him was give him a kiss.
If you have any LJ friends I know on your friends list let me know so I can add them to mine. I have about a handful of friends now that are still active :)


oh hai ppl

I guess I wasn't expecting that many people to still be using LJ on a regular basis, I thought it was completely abandoned. I guess I was wrong.
The Passage (The Passage, #1)The Passage by Justin Cronin

Recieved this book 5/9 from Goodreads First Reads. Excited to start it.

View all my reviews


out there.
I don't know why I'm up. I think cheech woke me since he was sitting there staring at me.

I didn't mean for my last post to be so depressing. It was fun thinking of the scenes to choose after I wrote the paragraph. Filbert was thrown in for the comic relief of it.

Good old Filbert.

Today has to be a good day. But later, when I get up for real.

I don't LJ much anymore.
All night long
I thought to myself
Why would I stay with you
Realized that you were the one who had issues
So why would I miss you

All I have to say is that if I give you a boner don't for a fucking second think that I'm going to do something about it. Its your responsibility, not mine, I wasn't born with a dick. Its your own problem. Kthxbye

On another note, everday that has passes makes me happier and happier.

My birthday is on monday! <3

Feb. 21st, 2009

I just watched some dude go into a liquor store leaving a 1 or 2 year old in a shopping cart OUTSIDE the store door of a shopping plaza, while he went in to buy 3 pints of whiskey.
The busch administration has ended.

We have a NEW PRESIDENT!!!!!

A light at the end of my tunnel
Like a puzzle
The pieces fit together now
There's no more stormy weather now
Clear is my sky as my eyes are dry
You're mind's cloudy
I'm outtie.
If I were a boy
I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I’d be a better man.
I’d listen to her
Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted
Cause he’s taken you for granted
And everything you had got destroyed
Spit To spit in your dream, signifies an aspect of yourself that you need to get rid of. Alternatively, spitting may represent anger and contempt.

I have and always will, believe in dreams.

Whatever the fuck this situation I'm in right now is, I need to get out of quick. Something needs to change or I'm going to go beserk.
aka michelle mayhem
aka slide bitch

Needs a vacation
Needs something real
Needs a little bit of extra dough
Needs to put her name on something creative

Wants an ipod
Wants to put a real smile on her face tomorrow
Wants a larger home
Wants a new wardrobe

Hates that she could make this heading last forever
Hates her hair color, again.
Hates the holidays and family visiting.
Hates an empty bowl.

Loves the fact that she could make the last heading last forever.
Loves... That's about it.

no im not moving, but id like to

Listen, (What's up),
This ain't the way I wanted it to end
But I got to go
Gotta get missing
You ain't gotta kick me out
I'll get out my own house
But you still need to get your shit together girl

What do I do, What do I say
Gotta get us back to the way that we used to be back in the day
Who do I call to talk to
Shawty, you ain't gotta be scared of me
All we need is therapy

Like 1, 2, 3, 4
Get the hell up out my door
5, 6, 7, 8
I don't need your sex, I'll masturbate
9, 10, 11, 12
You can go to hell all I care, yeah

Can't do it shawty, can't deal with you babe
Can't handle the pressure of you (Yeah Yeah)
Can't do it shawty, can't deal with you babe
Can't handle the pressure of you (Yeah Yeah)

Listen, (What's up),
I know you ain't used to us being friends
But I got to go
No more kissing
You ain't gotta go away
But I know I cannot stay
Cause you still gonna get your shit together girl

What do I do, What do I say
Gotta get us back to the way that we used to be back in the day
Who do I call to talk to
Shawty, you ain't gotta be scared of me
All we need is therapy

Like 1, 2, 3, 4
Get the hell up out my door
5, 6, 7, 8
I don't need your sex, I'll masturbate
9, 10, 11, 12
You can go to hell all I care, yeah

Can't do it shawty, can't deal with you babe
Can't handle the pressure of you (Yeah Yeah)
Can't do it shawty, can't deal with you babe
Can't handle the pressure of you (Yeah Yeah)

Ooh Ooh
Ooh you too much pressure doll
You gonna raise my cholesterol
I gotta lower the phone decibels
Just to talk, just a thought
I'm a get a girl with a ass just as soft
You swear man dolls like reservoir
And I was Mr. Pink
Remember those nights on the kitchen sink
I was choking you in a good way, good way
Now we in the streets and I'm choking you in a hood way
When the cops come what I could say
You know how all that gossip is
Next morning Basta Perez
Any girl I take out media take her
I need a break now
Before I break now
(Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah)
Show me your Janet Jackson's if you nasty
You said you want to cut my nuts off like Jesse Jackson, classy
Ooh, why she say that, OUCH
Bitch, give me back my couch
And that same couch cashed in
Now listen to T-Pain ass sing

(Oh Like One)
1, 2, 3, 4
You can get the hell up out my door
5, 6, 7, 8
I don't need your sex, I'll masturbate
9, 10, 11, 12
You can go to hell all I care, yeah

I can't do it shawty, can't deal with you babe
Can't handle the pressure of you (Yeahhh...)
Can't do it shawty, can't deal with you babe
Can't handle the pressure of you...
Let's face it, my parents both grew up during the 70s and 80s and I caught boogie fever.my legs are sore.

In others news brandys little sister is sweet, I hung out with her tonight.

Bye guys, I've been sitting in this boat deciding whether or not I should come or go. I am going to paddle away now.

Live life

Just me myself and I.

Oct. 25th, 2008

I was here.
If there's a weezy bandwagon I'm the queen and I'm charging taxes bitches. http://untilyoumean-it.livejournal.com/379314.html
I don't want to be high anymore but I don't want to be sober either.

I thought this was supposed to get easier?

I don't know how much longer I can live with my heart hurting so much.

Sep. 4th, 2008

"This wind you speak of BLOWS us from ourselves..."
I postéd that last night to prove a point. My point has been proven. I'm still not voting.

obama love

We need a President with the courage and integrity to change Washington. Some people don't believe that's possible, but I believe it is.

It's why I support Barack Obama for President. His commitment to change means he won't take money from PACs or lobbyists, so this campaign is in the hands of ordinary Americans like you and me. Will you help?

Join me in supporting Barack by making a donation to my personal fundraising page:


We have a choice in this election.

John McCain talks about his independence, but he wants to continue George Bush's disastrous policies: the war in Iraq, millions of Americans without healthcare, tax giveaways to oil companies that are making record profits, and relying on lobbyists for political support.

Barack Obama wants to change the way Washington works and change those policies: end the war in Iraq, expand access to affordable healthcare, close oil company loopholes, and cut taxes for the middle class.

We urgently need an honest leader who understands that doing things the same old way is going to give us the same old results. Americans are hungry for real change, change Barack Obama will bring when he is elected.

Help me make that happen. Please take a minute to check out my page and make a donation of any size:


Have you smelt viva la juicy yet? I'm not a fashin afficiandado or anything but damn that shit smells exactly like what I want to smell like all the time haha. My aunt gave me a tester, now I'm going to ask for a bottle. It smells like heaven.

I had bk for lunch and got that shit alllllll over myself. Ketchup amd mayo all over my clean work pants that I washed yesterday. That's some bs right there.

I can check lj on my phone now so I don't feel as detached while I'm here like I did before.

I'm moving in with brandy this week!!!!!!!!!!
I'm on my way to busch gardens. sweet I guess? I can think of a couple things I would rather be doing, but family is family.


Reply to: job-712393042@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-06-08, 2:44PM EDT

Receptionist/Administrative Assistant for Travel Seminars

We are seeking a receptionist/administrative assistant with an outgoing, customer service personality and excellent administrative and computer skills.

Affordable Travel and Tours, Inc., Lee County sales agent for Coast to Coast-Grand Getaways Travel Club conducts travel seminars in Ft. Myers Beach, FL, offering the hottest product in the travel industry.

A subsidiary of Affinity Group, Ltd., Coast to Coast has been in business for 36 years and is a leader in membership clubs. Coast to Coast has joined with Chicago Title, the leader in U.S. residential real estate closings, to provide the ultimate in service and fulfillment for Coast-to-Coast Grand Getaways Travel Club members.

We conduct our travel seminars Monday, Tuesday and Thursdays from 3:00PM to 9:00PM, Wednesday from 11:30AM to 5:30PM and Sunday’s from 9:00AM to 5:30PM, all from our Ft. Myers Beach show room.

35-40 hours per week and excellent hourly rate

• Greet attendees as they arrive at Travel Seminars
• Enter attendees into data base
• Contract preparation
• Scan/Fax/E-mail
• Proficient use of Microsoft Office and Outlook
• Knowledge of office equipment
• Excellent communication and people skills
• Responsible, dependable and reliable
Please send your resume to the email address listed within this ad in Microsoft Word format ".doc" Thank you.

* Location: Fort Myers Beach, Florida
* Compensation: TBD
* Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
* Please, no phone calls about this job!
* Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

PostingID: 712393042
beach today, pictures coming soon.
Syd: Ever since you and I broke up, I've wanted to have a normal conversation, just a normal conversation with you. And I just feel like everytime I see you, it just gets like so wierd and chaotic and scrambles, and I can't organize my thoughts and I can't even express the most basic words I want to say to you.
London: I know. Me too.
Syd: Whatever we had when we were together, when we were in love that feeling of just being able to lie in bed for days and not give a fuck about the outside world... is gone. And I feel like there's nothing I can do to ever get it back. Do you know how painful that is?
London: Yeah, yeah I do. I cried for weeks when we broke up.
Syd: You cried for weeks?
London: Yes.
London: The hardest thing I've ever dealt with in my life.
Syd: How long did you go through that?
London: A long time. A long time. I mean, the first month, it was so fucking bad. And then you know, slowly, it gets better.
Syd: That's the difference between you and me London. I'm still going through it.
London: I've been calling you a dozen times today. I'm terrified. I'm - I'm afraid.
Syd: Of what? What are you afraid of?
London: I'm afraid of falling in love with you again.

fucking public for a reason bitches.

There are so such things as accidents. She was taken from me and I'll never get her back. Our brother will never meet her. She will never make me laugh again. She was the only one who could really make me laugh.

I'm lucky to have Chris and Nik in my life, otherwise I don't know what I would do with myself. I would probably have taken my own life by now or taken the life of those who I feel responsible. Do not doubt what I am capable of. Steer clear of the path that I am on, because if we are to ever cross you will not be happy with the outcome. I promise you. I promise Kelly. I also promise it will not be quick, that it will be a long, extremely drawn out and excruciatingly painful process. Mark my words. You have no idea what you took away from me.

I've been in West Palm Beach working with my aunt Georgia prepare an event for Lancome. I got my own little parting gifts and part I shall tomorrow. I won't miss this part of the coast that much, however I am lucky to spend time with her. I was also lucky to see Samantha while I was here.

I was supposed to go to Pennsylvania for New Years but flights are too expensive even for Fatima to pay for. This isn't much of a disappointment for me since I would much rather spend New Years with my boyfriend and best friend then with my mother, but isn't that natural. My family members are the last people I want to be around right now, especially my mother, after she called my sister and I a disappointment. I feel like I haven't spent a second alone or unwatched since she took her last breath. They all think I'm going to slit my wrists the second they walk out the door. I've lost my sister but I don't think I've lost my will to live. It's funny that people are worried about me now, and they weren't worried about me about six months ago, when I was actually on the verge of suicide. No one worried about me when I lay in bed all day and all night long. No one worried about me when I became afraid of myself and the things that I might be caple of doing to myself. That's fine, I didn't need their help then and I certainly don't need it now. No one can save me from myself but myself.

I may be speaking to my brother for the first time in my entire life very soon. It's unfortunate that he will never get to meet the better of his half sisters.

I have to say that I am slightly relieved to no longer live in Fort Myers (fuck you) and the plague that has jaded that town. I am happy to say that I have not been to the filthy Smiling Dog in months, and do not plan on returning for as long as I live. I have to say that I'm happy I have not seen Pete or any of his foolish friends in a while. If only they didn't show up at the wake - Liz should be happy that I didn't see her at the wake. I'm happy that the part of my life I wanted so badly to end is over I just wish that Kelly were here to share in my happiness now. She loved Chris and I know she would be happy that we are together.

I don't need you, I don't need anything more than what I have at this very moment.
...i need a job in cape coral.
Kelly call your father.

Everyone text me, i dont have the interweb.

"Among other things, you'll find that you're not the first person who was ever confused and frightened and even sickened by human behavior."

"friends" cut.
I'm done with this place.

I don't understand why people don't choose to keep what I tell them in confidence. I can trust very few people. Thus begins my seculsion.

"Please understand
This isn't just goodbye
This is I can't stand you

Curse my enemies forever
Lets slit our wrists and burn down something beautiful
This desperation leaves me overjoyed
With fading lights that lead us past the lives that we destroyed"

Jun. 19th, 2007

this is the way it goes,
sometimes your flushed sometimes your bust
and when your up it's never as good as it seems
and when your down you never think your going to be up again
but life goes on, remember that
money isn't real george
it doesn't matter, it only seems like it does

May. 29th, 2007

"and i will keep you warm in hell..."

comment to be added.


It's past my bedtime. Make a choice.
My Deviantart Photography

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